for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
