guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
