You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
