found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
only you would photoshop your dick
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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