she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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