Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
