i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
