Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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