I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
