I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
