I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
