if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
