Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
