i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You are a genius and a whore.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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