my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
