If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is Oprah even human
i out mim tonsoeep
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
