I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
