You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
