remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
