Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
