Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
