I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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