i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
