He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
