Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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