I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
