I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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