new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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