I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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