She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
