She said her name was "party"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
