dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
