Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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