i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
