Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
