The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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