is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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