i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
