One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
