I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
