Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
