Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
