her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
