what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
