I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
