am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
