All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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