wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
