Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This is not my ceiling
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't notice because vodka
i need to put some appletini on your dick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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