This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk is a universal language darling
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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